Saba Khan tells parents,

Nowadays child abuse is very common in society. Many times our immediate relatives, friends, neighbors try to get physical with our kids which can put adverse effect on tender mind.

A government commissioned survey has shown that more than 53% of children in India are subjected to sexual abuse but most of them don’t report the assaults to anyone.

“Child abuse is when a child or young person is pressurized, forced or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or young person”.

You need to be very conscious about the people who stay in your acquaintance and  surround your ward.

It is very important to teach your toddler, school going child or adolescent about good and bad touch.
It is one of the needs of today’s era.

Explain them that genitals are our private parts and you should take care of it.  We should not allow any other to touch or see it. If any outsider is touching or talking about your private parts then come and tell us.

They should be taught that if something is happening that makes them feel uncomfortable they must tell to parents.

From the young age of gender identity they should be explained about the gender differences and names of body parts because most of the time children find it difficult to explain as they don’t know the right words. If they are told about genitals in early stages they won’t be embarrassed talking about it.

Touching Rules:

Good touch is a hug, kiss or a touch which makes you feel warm , comfortable and make you smile. It is a safe touch. A good touch doesn’t include touching to genitals and improper way of kissing.

Bad touch is something which makes you uncomfortable, and touching the covered areas and genitals, also if the person asksyou that not to say this to anyone about this touch then it is a sexual abuse touch. A bad touch can be unsafe or unwanted touch. Make it clear that a bad touch can be exciting or nice and can happen with their clothes on. A bad touch can also be hurting.

Frequently ask the child with whom he/she plays?

What kind of games does he/she play?

Check the rashes on body while changing clothes.

Make it a rule that no one can touch your body private parts except mother.

Also it’s not okay for you also to touch any others private parts even if somebody is asking u to touch their private parts.

Many times children play games of role play of parents and doctors that time also it’s not good to remove clothes or touch body parts of other players.

You have right to say “No” if you don’t like the touch of any one.

Get away from that person very fast if you feel uncomfortable.

Don’t stay alone with a person who makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

It is rightly said that precaution is better than cure.

Child abuse could be a barrier in a healthy development of your child. It adversely impacts on mental, emotional, moral, social and physical development of a person in a long run leading to
alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, suicidal attempts, smoking.
It affects their conjugal relationship and may lead psychological disorders.

Take care of your children and stay alert.
Happy parenting,
Article By
Saba Khan
Headmistress of
Espalier Experimental School.

"Toddler’s curiosity and Gender Identification".

The most common statement nowadays we come across is that, this generation is too fast and smart in all senses. At one side these children make their parents proud by their intelligence and smartness where as on another side they give a point to worry by being more curious about private parts and about genders. It leaves a thought in our mind that it’s too early to ask these censored questions. How to respond to these queries make parents perplex.

It is very common to a 3 to 5 years old to ask about differentiation of male and female genital organs.
Also many times children ask how a baby is born. And as an adult we feel little embarrassed to respond such questions. Instead of satisfying their queries we just scold them and tell them these are dirty talks and never ask such questions. This reaction makes a child more eager and inquisitive and the questions pop up again and again in tender mind.

Sometimes they let out their curiosity  about genders by drawing pictures of genitalia on paper or they share with their peer or other people who can misguide them by vague answers.

Parents must satisfy these queries to stop the thought process in this line for once. In a mature way you can explain your ward about the difference between male and female genitals and this is the way God created different genders. When talking about genitalia parents shall refer to them  as normal body parts. This will decrease the curiosity about genitals.

In this age kids are not only curios about their own body but they are similarly curios about others too.

When kids ask about the birth of babies you can simply give the example of the process plantation. Show your ward how a seed is sowed in earthen pot and after few days a sapling comes out of it. In the same manner father sow the seed in the womb of mother and after few months it delivers a baby which you bring from hospital.
It doesn’t mean parents should give the details which is not required in this age. Your answer should be firm, decent and logical.

Many times children touch their private parts especially toddlers enjoy being necked. These behaviors are perfectly normal because young children naturally explore their bodies. Calmly ask your child to get dressed and divert him or her with a toy or game.
Do not over react in this situation that he/she will arouse more interest and inquisitiveness about it. Take it as normal gesture and teach your child that this curiosity of body is normal part of life. This is the first lesson of sexuality and let the child take it in a normal way.
If you answer your ward in a decent way and quench the queries, this will be encouraging to kids to come to you with their questions in future as well.

Gender identity starts from age 2 to 3 to develop a sense of being male or female.
Many times we see children playing doctor doctor game.
It is a role pay game where children check each other’s body and genitals which pushes panic button in parents.
Here the child is more fascinating and curious about others genitals, how it’s look like and feels like. During this phase they are more interest to explore human anatomy and not being sexual. Playing this game is considered normal by most of the psychologist if the participants are in between the age group of 3 to 6 years.
But remember if the grown up children are also the part of the game then it could be used as sexual stimulation or abuse.

It is seen that many parents get discomfort as they see their preschooler involved in such activity. In that case parents should calmly counsel kids about the differences of gender and to keep personal privacy also respecting the privacy of other children.
Don’t make your child feel for something natural. Make him/her understand that your body is private and special. Shame and punishment is not proper action in this situation.
Children’s sexual development may you feel a long way off but actually sexual development begins in a child from very first years. Infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and young school aged kids make a physical and emotional base for the foundation of sexuality in a subtle way as they grow.

Parents play an important role in fostering bounding and intimacy in future relationship of a child. The present emotional attachment and bounding between parents and a child can be early foundation of more mature form of physical intimacy and love that develop later as part of mature sexuality.
Happy Parenting

Article by
Saba Khan
Headmistress of Espalier Pre School.

When we look around children are engaged in playing video games on mobile devices. This new generation doesn’t know the other indoor and outdoor games what we use to play in our childhood. Like Hide and seek, Marbles, Hop Scotch, seasonal games etc. Their childhood is simply dominated by video games and TV.

Adults are engrossed in social networking sites. Instead o f spending time with loved one who is sitting  beside them, they prefer connected to the people who are not present .This is ultimate modern snub.

Today's adolescents are also addicted to it in many ways. Internet has become a very easy, immediate and clandestine source to quench their curiosity about the censored stuff with they are unable to explore on small and big screens.

Children and adolescents shouldn’t be introduced to internet so early. These devices were not there in our childhood yet we all are capable of using it dexterously. Therefore, let this new generation also expose to internet little late so we can protect them from its harmful effects. Let them be mature enough to use it wisely.

Phubbing is the anti-social act of someone having their face glued to smart phone rather than the person they are supposedly with. It is not only rude but it may have some terrible consequences. Most of us are guilty of doing snubbing our loved ones for something more interesting on social media via our phones. What’s the use of social gathering if you are on phone all the while, doing the same job you were doing at home alone?
Phubbing is affecting  relationships adversely everywhere.

Cellophone may offer various communications convenient but they could also be sabotaging children, adolescent and relationships.

Written by Saba Khan

Children learn by observing elders. Scientifically elders play a significant role in a child's observation learning because it facilitates cognitive process behavior. It helps the learner to encode what they observe and store it in memory for late imitation.
In my quote just spending time could be ambiguous to readers as now a day’s many parents are physically present near their wards but engrossed in their own activities without noticing as to what they are feeding into the child's  brain.
Parents are busy in watching TV, the senseless absurd programs or else loving mom is busy on social  sites forgetting completely that her child is observing her. And how can i forget about the gossip sessions that parents indulge in front of their  children who absorb the negativity of the relations.
“Your ward is a mirror of your reflection so make the most acceptable image”.
So here I underline that dont only spend time with your children but spend Quality Time.
Be a facilitator for your child’s learning & exploration of his world. Talk to them, quench their thirst of curiosity, remove their doubts, speak about  what amuses them, pour the moral values in them through stories, let your child sense your kindness with people because this is extremely contagious.
A child’s brain is like wet cement now it’s up to you what impression you want to create on it. The beautiful experiences will carve the most beautiful impressions. So make sure to spend time with kids with positive attitude and not to feed wrong data in their brain.  Minimize mentioning rules & regulations or list of does & don’ts rather focus to confer opportunities to grasp experiences about appreciated behavior.
So here is my quote with underline Parenting is all about spending Quality Time with children.

Alas! these values are hardly seen in today's generation.
Most of the students just feign respect, disobey their teachers, back answer and mocking teachers is very common.

Indian Values are our perennial assets and they shouldn't change with the time.

In the old times though teachers were very strict yet we used to love and admire them. Respecting and obeying teachers was inculcated among us through our parents.
Even if children were complaining, parents used to scold them and it was firm rule that teacher did it for the sake of your betterment.

In today's scenario parent's attitude has changed. Nowadays due to nuclear and small families parents are more possessive about their wards and it is considerable.
But for tiny things they rush to school and grumble about teachers, confront the school staff in front of the child who is listening carefully how his parents are treating and teachers are trying to clarify their sides. This attitude disparages the reverence of teachers and school in a child's tender mind.
Parents feel as they are paying fees  no one has right to reprimand their child.

This infuses the negative thought in a child that my parents are there to defend me even if I do mistake. Many times children lie or alter their statement, form stories just to seek parent's attention. It is one of the common sign of attention seeking attitude. In future these children face lots of behavioral issues and go through emotional instability.

Parents must support children to deal with discomfort situations, guilt, peer conflicts, resentment etc. These situations make them strong emotionally. It is said that "when an egg is broken from outside force life inside Ends but when an egg is broken from inside force life Begins". So let children face these emotional traumas bravely and encourage them to accept their mistakes instead of complaining and being defensive.

Teachers on the other hand are well aware about physical punishment prohibition in school.
A teacher has to be firm to foster discipline and manners among students without being harsh.

Sometimes the improper behavior of a single teacher is enough to vilify the name of a school. Its the responsibility of institutes also to train teachers before giving the charge of students.

If your child is complaining frequently about the ill treatment of teachers then you should first talk to authority and cross check from teachers but make sure to keep your child away from the scene.

Your attitude should kindle the respect of teachers and not demean the image of teacher in your child's heart.
Always remember a teacher is a guiding angel in every student's life.
Don't forget our ancient values which teach us"Guru is God".

We all are aware that for writing skills and for gripping pencil a child's fine motor needs to b developed completely. It is shocking that most of the well known schools conduct writing work in Nursery class. How can we expect from 3 years old to write? Its like expecting from a newborn baby to walk. Parents and teachers are forcefully fast tracking the development of these tender minds before time. Moreover Cursive is added burden on these tiny tots. Due to this added burden many students are disinclined to write and reluctant to complete written task at school as well as at home.

It makes writing more challenging for dyslexic kids and who find difficulty in reading and writing skills.

If we expect from students to write in cursive then all the printed materials like text books, story books, school magazines, newspapers, should be printed in cursive font only.

It is said that cursive writing beautifies your handwriting and increases writing speed but studies have proved that highest speed and highest legibility in handwriting are attained by those who join only some letters or joining only the most easily joined letters combination leaving the rest unjoined and not joining all the letters like Cursive.

In higher kindergarten and std 1st let the foundation of manuscript be stronger and give practice to write immaculately.
The time kids spend to learn cursive, is time kids could be spending in learning other skills like reading and activities that lead to holistic development.

Most of the parents from std 1st complain about the bad handwriting also teachers face difficulty in correcting books and papers.

Think wisely, does it make any sense to prioritize cursive specially in the phase when basic writing skills are not yet developed.
Immense pressure of writing work may damage your child's interest in studies and aggravate hand writing on long term.

When should children be taught cursive ?
Cursive should be taught in further grades when basic writing skills are developed and students themselves take efforts to write artistically and learn calligraphy to embellish handwriting. Article written by, Saba Khan Headmistress of Espalier Experimental School.

Corporal punishments reduce the IQ of your child.

The most common issue encountered among young generation is back answering, misbehaving, disobeying, tantrum out burst etc which forces parents to lose their control.

Stressful life and estranged environment of home are the common reasons which causes negativity amongst kids.

It is observed that women who suffer from acute domestic harassment generally let out their negativity violently on kids.

Whatsoever is the reason for physical punishments to your junior, remember that
"you have nothing in this world more precious than your child."

Scientifically it is proved that in early childhood brain forms and reforms many complex networks and connection of brain cells called neurons.

It is said that the  more the number of neurons connect to each other , intelligence levels will be higher. This neocortex of brain deals with learning process.

As parents and teachers your prime job is to provide valuable experiences and positive environment to children which helps in the development of brain neurons to hone your child's intelligence.

The moment we punish physically, a child feels insulted. His self esteem goes down which ruptures the connection of brain cells in neo cortex which cause inability in learning.

The mechanism of brain shifts to replica brain which activates  defense mechanism.

It increases aggression which creates trouble in learning, leads to vulnerability, depression typically in girls and anti social tendencies which manifest in boys.

Physical punishment reduces the Gray matter of brain. It is connective tissue between brain cells.

It is an integral part of nervous system and influences intelligence testing and learning abilities.

Physical punishments also inflict lasting emotional damage, undermine trust between parents and child and breeds hostility towards authority.

The cognitive development of your junior is in your hands so make the best use of it. Choose your option wisely.

Saba khan
Head Mistress of Espalier Experimental School.